Fracturing
by luvingbtr
Summary: "Jay, what's wrong? What's hurting you so bad? What happened?" That's Kendall's voice, raw with pain and tears. He whips around to face the three guys he thought were his best friends. He laughs bitterly, no humor in the sound. "You. You three happened. What I'm about to do, is your fault."
1. Prologue

**Hey guys! So, this idea popped into my head while I was out for a run afterward. Needless to say, right after I finished my run, this happened. I sent it to my boyfriend, who doesn't even care for BTR, and he loved it. So I'm posting it. Enjoy!**

* * *

He runs.

Feet pounding on the hard concrete, mind racing, he nears his destination. He can't focus on anything, except the one burning thought in his mind. He _has _to do this. It's finally gone too far, and he can't take it anymore. Everything's spiraled out of control, and this is his only option.

His vision is blurred with threatening tears, but he won't dare let them fall. It's cold out- 45 degrees almost. All he wears is a pair of jeans and a long sleeved t-shirt- to hide his wrists from the public. He didn't think of wearing a jacket, or even a sweater. The icy wind blows his hair in wild directions- normally he'd be concerned about what it looked like, but he doesn't care anymore.

His ears hurt- being out in cold weather with no protection is bound to result in an earache. He stumbles and falls to the concrete, emitting a grunt and a curse word. They're catching up. Gingerly, he rises to his feet again, ignoring the stabbing pain in his left knee. He continues running, as the thudding of more footsteps hit his eardrums. His arms pump, and he's breathing heavily. His chest hurts, and so do his legs. But he can't stop. He's come this far, it's time to finish the job.

After what seems like an eternity, he reaches his destination.

Palm Woods roof.

He stops, hunching over with his hands on his knees, waiting for his breath to return. Snot drips from his nose, mixing with the tears that have finally managed to break the once impenetrable barrier.

The footsteps become louder, as his pursuers finally catch up. He ignores the screams of his name, and straightens, looking straight at the edge of the roof. He walks forward, until he's finally standing on the ledge. One step away from peace. At last.

"JAMES!"

The three voices of his best friends are heard as one, but he ignores that, too.

"Jay, what's wrong? What's hurting you so bad? What_ happened_?"

That's Kendall's voice, raw with pain and tears. It's all fake. If Kendall really felt that way, they wouldn't be in this situation right now. Kendall would've helped him, so _it didn't have to come to this._

He whips around to face the three guys he thought were his best friends. Kendall, a mix of anger and pain etched across his face. Carlos, who's displaying misery. And Logan, who has guilt and sadness in his eyes. It's all an act. They don't really care. They never have. If they cared, they wouldn't be his only reason for this. If they cared, they wouldn't have kicked him when he was already down. If they cared, _they would've helped him._

He laughs bitterly, no humor in the sound. "You. You three happened. What I'm about to do, is _your fault_."

In one motion, he drops a piece of paper to the ground, and places his feet on the ledge, staring at the ground below. Protests fill his ears, all three of them begging and pleading for him to stay with them. Why in the name of god would he do that? They're the ones who brought him to this. They brought on this onslaught of pain, and there's nothing they can to do fix it.

With a withering last look at his three former friends, and no second thoughts, he lets himself fall off the ledge.

* * *

**What'd you guys think? Should I continue, or would you like me to leave it as a one-shot? I've got a plotline set, and I've already started working it out, in se you guys do want me to continue. Review!**

**XO ~Neha**


	2. Chapter 1

"IF YOU WANT IT ALL, LAY IT ON THE LINE, IT'S THE ONLY LIFE YOU GOT, SO YOU GOTTA LIVE IT BIG TIME! The four members of Big Time Rush sing in unison, grinning widely. The curtain drops afterward, as applause overcomes their ears. Hot and dripping with sweat, all of them run backstage, to their dressing room.  
"Great job, dogs!" Gustavo praises, as they pass him.  
"Thanks Gustavo!" calls Kendall, speaking for all four of them. After a show, they're all completely exhausted, and usually can't form proper sentences until they've had something to drink. Kelly hands Logan four ice cold water bottles, and he passes three of them to each of his friends, keeping the fourth for himself. All four of them uncap their bottles, and begin to drink.  
"You guys ready for the meet and greet?" James asks, after downing his water.  
"Yep!" Logan replies, capping his empty bottle and tossing it into a recycle bin. Carlos and Kendall, who are still guzzling water, nod together.  
"Dogs, it's time to go!"

* * *

An hour into the meet and greet, James doesn't think he could be happier. The fans are so sweet, and he loves making them smile. He's hugged most of them, and kissed their cheeks. The tears of joy and excitement that are being produced by the fans make him grin even wider. There was even one girl…she told him that his singing stopped her from committing suicide. No one has _any_ idea how happy that made him. The feeling of joy washes over him in waves, as he greets fan after fan, telling them he loves them and posing for pictures.

"Bye, love," he smiles, as the girl gives him a small wave. Another girl steps up, but her face is lined with boredom. This surprises James a bit, but he swallows the surprise and smiles at her. "Hey, gorgeous, what's your name?"

"None of your business," she replies snarkily. "I'm here for Kendall, Carlos, and Logan. At least _they can sing! And they're much better looking than you!"_ She sneers the last few words, before walking forward, where Kendall greets her. She grins, hugging him.

James heart sinks. Gustavo and Kelly warned them about haters, and they've become pretty good at ignoring the hateful jibes and jeers. However, an occasional comment does lower their self-esteem a bit, and that's just what's happening now.

Normally, he wouldn't care what the haters say, but his singing has always been precious to him. As a child, his parents constantly crushed his dreams of becoming a singer, telling him that he had no chance, and that his voice sounded like nails on a chalkboard. He'd proved them wrong, true, but comments like that brought back horrid memories. He's gotten used to Gustavo saying it, and he knows that Gustavo doesn't mean what he says, and just insults them so they'll do better. He's used to that. But when his own fans insult him, it breaks his heart.

* * *

"Ugh, tired…" Carlos moans, as the four of them drag themselves into the 2J. The meet and greet went on for two hours, and the show ended at 10. It's past midnight, and all four of them are _exhausted._

"Go sleep, then," Logan mutters. "I'm going to bed. Night." He stumbles into the bedroom he shares with Kendall, as Carlos walks into the bedroom he and James share. Kendall follows Logan, and James follows Carlos. Two doors slam shut in unison.

Normally, he would just collapse onto his mattress, and fall asleep as soon as his head hits the pillow, but tonight is different for James. He doesn't feel that exhaustion he usually feels, after they play a show. Maybe it's because he can't get what that girl said out of his mind. Though he knows it's not true, it still hurt him. His singing and his appearance are literally all he contributes to the band. If he doesn't have those…what good is he, anyway?

"Night, Jay." Carlos' sleepy voice is heard from the other side of the room, followed by snoring.

"Night, 'Litos…" James mumbles, sighing. _It'll be better tomorrow, right…?_

* * *

The next morning brings a day of hard work, something that none of them are excited for. It's always hard to work the day after a show, because they're tired, and in no mood to do harmonies and practice choreography.

James is up first, however. That's unlikely of him, but he didn't end up sleeping that much the previous night. Around 3 am, he trudged into the living room and lost himself in thoughts for the next few hours, while dozing off. It's now 8:30 am, and he's cooking breakfast, waiting for his friends, because they need to be at the studio by 9:30. Usually, Logan's awake by now, an as if on cue, the short brunette stumbles into the room, rubbing sleep from his eyes.

"Morning, Jay," He mumbles, collapsing into a chair at the table. "What're you makin'?"

"Pancakes," James replies, smiling softly. He stacks four on a plate, and brings it over to the table, along with the maple syrup. "Eat. We gotta go soon."

"Thanks, bro."

James just nods, and continues pouring batter onto the hot pan, having to make pancakes for Carlos, Kendall, and himself.

"So, what'd you think of the signing yesterday?" Logan asks, through a forkful of food.

Startled, James whirls around. The only thing that stands out to him is the nasty comment that one girl made. The rest is all a blur.

"I…um…there was this one girl who said something hurtful, and that's all that stands out to me," He confesses. Normally, he wouldn't, but it's Logan. Logan would never tell anyone this, and he can always talk to the small brunette. Logan's always ready to listen, and gives the best advice he can.

"Oh, Jay…what'd she say?" Concern embeds Logan's voice, his breakfast forgotten. He stands, wiping his mouth, before walking over to James. "C'mon bro, talk to me."

James sighs. "She said…that I can't sing…and you three can…and I'm ugly, and you guys are hot…and that she only cares about you three…"

Logan's shock is visible on his face. He can't believe someone said that to James. Sure, there are haters out there, but not many people stoop so low to stay that crap to his face. It's rude, petty, and he just hates that one girl made James feel awful.

"Jay…you know her words are crap. You're amazing. You have the voice of an angel, and seriously dude, I'm gonna sound really gay for saying this, but you _are _hot."

James chuckles, looking at him. "Thanks, Logie."

* * *

"Dogs! Since your performance last night was not terrible, I'll give you a break today. 5 hours, instead of 10! But that's only if you perform the same now! Otherwise, it'll be 10! Now, dance studio!"

The guys stand in front of their boss, mouths dropping open. Gustavo's _never_ that nice. Sure, he may cut 30 minutes to an hour off rehearsal occasionally, but not five hours.

"DOGS, NOW!" At the sound of his yell, all four of them scramble to the studio, muttering 'thank yous'.

* * *

A couple hours into dance rehearsal, Kendall notices that something doesn't seem right. James…he doesn't look himself. He's not his happy, bubbly, crazy self. The guy's been quiet all day, and it's concerning him. He turns to Logan, thinking that maybe, the genius will have the answer to James' reserved-ness.

"Logie, is James okay? He seems…different…"

Logan faces him, eyes darkened with sadness. "I guess. A fan said something really hurtful to him last night at the signing, and he's really hurt by it."

"But…we always have haters. They're part of being famous. Why can't he just ignore it, like the rest of us do?"

Logan's facial expression transforms into one of horror, as he looks at something right past Kendall. James. Eyes darkened with anger, the tall brunette has heard the entire conversation.

"Well, Kendall, it's not very easy to ignore something that brings up the worst memories of my entire life! A time where I begged to fucking die!"

**Alright, so I'm obviously continuing the story. I do apologize for the language in the last sentence of this chapter- there will be cursing, but I'll do my best to limit it as much as possible. Also- I received many reviews, asking why I killed James. Well…I didn't exactly kill him…he's not dead. That scene is actually foreshadowing to the end of the story, and the hint I have for you guys, is that James isn't going to die. He's going to attempt suicide, but his attempt won't be successful. I could never kill my Jamie xD Anyways, please review! I'd love to know your thoughts, and if you've got any ideas for the story, feel free to suggest them! Thank you all so much for the reviews on the previous chapter, you guys are amazing! **

**XO ~Neha**


End file.
